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"In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter, there is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future for the lessons of life there is no better teacher than the look in the eyes of a child"

- Air Supply

Life was simple back then. No but’s, no if’s, no how’s, no why’s. Every emotion a child express depicts no tint of deception nor a hint of lie. A smile is joy. A tear is sadness. A scream is anger. Laughter is happiness. If adults gave us these expressions we will entirely doubt the genuinity of these emotions. Is it real or is it just a facade for further hidden agendas. There is pure innocence and complete sincerity in what a child does. Why is it when we grow up we lose that innocence?

Tabula Rasa, John Locke’s theory is that all of us were born with a clean slate. They say when we were born we are free from pain, hurt, and problems that this world contains. We have a fresh mind similar to that of an empty balloon waiting for air, waiting for reality to dwell. And as that balloon is filled up with air,  the child is taught how to live life, grow up, and slowly learn tha harsh realities of this world. They possess this undermined brilliance beyond their simplicity. These children are in nature driven by fantasy and dreams. They are full of aspirations that borders beyond reality. This is what we lost in adulthood, dreaming. We lost it in the sense that we are too swallowed in this game of survival called life that we forgot to dream. But in order to make things a reality, to succeed on something, we must dream about it first. 

Their vague knowledge of the world is their greatest possession. As people grow and live, as we learn and know things in life, we become overexposed and saturated. We are a generation of skeptics, cynics, and pessimists. Too much information kills. We impose rules to protect our children, such as don’t touch this and that, don’t talk to them, don’t do this and don’t do that. The more rules we impose, their world becomes smaller, their moves become more limited. Sometimes in my quaint bedroom moments I wonder is ignorance really bliss? I say maturity is overrated. It is okay to act childish once in a while. Live life and have fun while living that moment.

Update: Featured in Definitely Filipino

Mixtape: Chuck TV

It was really sad NBC had to cut Chuck off because of low ratings. I have no idea whatsoever why I keep diggin' this show even though the story plot fails sometimes. Maybe because of the pretty chicks & handsome agents, maybe because of Jeffster's humorous comic acts, or maybe Captain Awesome is just too hot to handle, but what really got my attention is their cool mix of music. They distanced themselves away from the mainstream hit charts and found their musical choices on the indie scene. 

A Massive Dissection Of The Master Of The Wand

“I was fit only to possess the meanest of them, the least extraordinary. I was fitto own the Elder Wand, and not to boast of it, and not to kill with it. I was permitted to tame and to use it, because I took it, not for gain, but to save others from it.”- Albus Dumbledore 

I really feel sad because Harry Potter has to end. I wept so hard in the theater especially when it was about the Prince’s Tale. At my back I can hear the bickering of two girls who probably didn’t read the book because they were sooo clueless! They kept asking about the Elder wand and who’s mastered who. I was controlling myself real hard to give them a lecture while the film was on going. JKR wasn’t definite in answering fan questions. So this is me at my most generous. This is really complex if you don’t read the books and relied only in the movies.

The Elder Wand is a part of the hallows they say was given by Death himself to the first Peverell brother, Antioch Peverell. After defeating a wizard that he once had a quarrel with, he bragged about his invincibility with the wand that “he snatched from death himself”. In his sleep another wizard crept inside his room, stole the wand from him, and slit his throat, making that wizard the new master of the wand. After several generations the wand was handed down to different masters and finally toGregorvitch, who boasted that he will duplicate the powers of the wand. He was stupid enough to boast that he had it in the first place. When Gellert Grindelwald knew about it, he stunned  Gregorvitch and stole the Elder wand from him, making him the new master. Grindelwald and Dumbledore had a battle, the latter won. Now here lies the dilemma, how could Grindelwald be defeated if he had the most powerful wand of all? It is a fact that the wand had been handed down by overpowering the incumbent master. How can one be overpowered is also a question. If stealing the wand from the master is counted as overpowering, then that would be the case of Grindelwald and the man who stole the wand from Antioch. They say the elder wand is undefeatable but in my opinion that if a wizard is stronger, skillfull, and more superior even with an inferior wand, that person could defeat the master of the wand. The wand is only and object, the one who helms it must also fill it in.

Snape: Hero or Villain?

Snape is a complicated man.  He’s bitter. He’s … spiteful.  He’s a bully.  All these things are still true of Snape, even at the end of this book.  But was he brave?  Yes, immensely.  

Was he capable of love?  Very definitely.  So he’s— he’s a very— he was a flawed human being, like all of us. 

Harry forgives him—- as we know, from the epilogue, Harry— Harry really sees the good in Snape ultimately. I wanted there to be redemption and I wanted there to be forgiveness.  And Harry forgives, even knowing that until the end Snape loathed him unjustifiably. it’s totally, totally unfair that he loathes him so much but anyway.

JK Rowling, Today Show

There are always two sides within us, the good and the unlikely. As JKR stated, he was a flawed individual just like us. But what he differs from Voldemort is that even when he started with the wrong decision he acted on doing on what he seem is right to correct it, and what he chose to act upon is humanely beneficial to Harry(which was motivated by his selfish and possessive love for Lily). People say that “A hero lies in the eye of the beholder”, we have our own definitions and standards of our ideal hero. 

At first Snape’s loyalty is towards Voldemort but after learning that the prophecy that he shared to Voldemort resulted to Lily Potter’s danger, it made him realize the consequences of his actions. He confessed to Dumbledore the danger the Potters are about to face after being denied by Voldemort when he pleaded that only Lily be spared. So we see he is not that good of a hero to be looked up for, his motives are self-motivated. We learned that Snape was a double agent for both the Order and the Death Eaters, and his brilliance and skills are enough to keep his allegiances intact. People until the very end question Snape’s loyalty to both parties and here are some proofs to Snape’s good side:

Snape’s loyalty to Dumbledore & Dumbledore’s unwavering trust to Snape:

Mixtape: Feel Good Morning

As your eyes are still closed you ponder if you are awake or still dreaming. Today is just any other day of the year, no major events, no parties, same old boring stuff on the menu. ‘What kind of day would it be today?’ you thought. You are so damn lazy to rise. 

Life is being distant to you these days and you just got bored to go along with it. Suddenly you feel the morning breeze in the air, the sunlight slowly peeks through your blinds, while a couple of birds seem to be singing in some irritating yet snappy tune.

You wake up with a smile plastered on your face like you had the most amazing experience last night. You stretch out like an Olympic gymnast going for gold while enjoying the sound of cracking bones which is painful yet weirdly delightful. This is what’s great about mornings,  no matter how lonesome, boring, or fucked-up your world is, every morning it’s like  a new beginning, a fresh start, an infinite chance in life.

Seriously, Sirius

My all time favorite potter character would be Sirius Black. Gary Oldman is an all time favorite of mine and I couldn’t help to restrain myself to favor his character, but I did my best to separate him from Sirius. Most of you would choose Harry because of his brave persona, Ron for his very loving character or Hermione the one with the brains. In my opinion Sirius is a bit underrated and unappreciated among everyone. The way he treats Harry as his own son and only family moves me in tears, how he loved James so much that he transferred that affection to Harry. He was loyal to himself and to his friends. He was a part of this family who had a long time tradition and broke it. He stood for himself and what he believed in. He would have died for his friends, even if it was Peter Pettigrew (POA). Those long years he spent alone in Azkaban for a falsely accused crime, how I pitied him on how he could have had those years back. I feel pity and regret for him, regret for his character that he never enjoyed life to its fullest. That small amount of happiness he had after escaping Azkaban is that of a child’s innocence. Everything is so pure, so true, so sincere. He is like a child with a strong masculine exterior but a heart of a child, a smile of a child & the love of a child. Maybe that’s my motivation of being drawn to him because even I wouldn’t want to end up always looking back in the past. His death affected me the most. The death was so soon and unexpected. He could have done more, he could have lived longer he could have…he could have… Everything is all about regrets, my regret for his character the question lingers what could have been? What should have been? He really would be my ideal godfather, someone that will guide you, protect you and nurture your being all throughout.

The Fallible Invisibility Cloak

“We are talking about a cloak that really and truly renders the wearer completely invisible, and endures eternally, giving constant and impenetrable concealment, no matter what spells are cast at it.” (HP & the DH’s, pg. 411 US version) - Xenophilius Lovegood

J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore, who could perform magic without needing to say the incantation aloud, was using ‘homenum revelio’

The special cloak that Harry possesses is a real hallow. As we know the Potters is a descendant of Ignotus Peverell, the third brother who chose to hide from death with the cloak and it was handed down generations and finally to him. On why can Crouch (in the form of Moody) see through it, it is not his ability but the magical eye. Also the dementors found Harry not because they could see them, remember they are blind? They can only sense human feelings and even Harry is under the cloak he is still human that’s why. I think JKR hasn't explained this yet and I don’t want to invent anything that is utterly false, but the question is that ”What’s with the Magical eye?”. It’s difficult to believe that JKR overlooked this part and that this is a mistake, maybe someday in an interview she could answer this. I think that the Deathly Hallows also have flaws and weaknesses, like the resurrection stone (who couldn’t successfully resurrect life), the elder wand(Voldemort couldn’t use the wand well because he isn’t the real owner & Grindelwald, the real master of the wand was defeated by a powerful, still regular wizard,  Dumbledore.) and finally the invisibility cloak wherein the magical eye could see through it and in HBP, Malfoy attacked Harry under the invisibility cloak and that the spell harmed Harry. Nothing is perfect, not even the beauty of death. The cloak is like any other normal invisibility cloak only it doesn’t fade or lose its powers over time. Dumbledore said, it was just a tale and as said in DH that the hallows were not that unique, but probably made by clever wizards and no more unique than any other magical objects. 

Mixtape: They Say Forgetting Is A Gift

Marrying his best friend was the greatest decision she ever made, she loved everything about him, his hair, eyes, his scent, his sweet tender kisses, his cuddling hands, the way he makes her laugh and the morning whispers of his love. 

After Hogwarts her life has never been happier, she have two beautiful children who happened to have inherited her innate love for knowledge and she couldn’t be more proud of them. The Wizarding world changed so much since the war, blood status was never an issue anymore there was no more judgment towards muggle-borns. She was happy, perfectly happy. All is well.

How The F is Hermione A Witch?

Lily is muggle-born because of her parentage which are both muggles. How could two muggles unbelievably produce a magical child? My theory would be because they are descended from Squibs who married muggles, then their families lost the knowledge of their wizarding family. So the magic that skipped the squibs may have resurfaced in their great great grandchildren who became muggle-borns.

One can be a half-blood if a witch or wizard has at least one wizarding parent but at least one Muggle parent or grandparent, much similar to the case of Harry’s children, they are considered half-bloods because of Harry’s parentage: pure-blood father, Muggle-born mother.

Also there is this Dagworth-Granger, Hector(HB9) whom Proffessor Slughorn asked Hermione if she is related. Prof. Slughorn asked Hermione if she was related to Dagworth-Granger, she replied that she did not believe so, since she was Muggle-born. However, It is possible that Dagworth-Granger is a Squib and would have lost all knowledge of magic from their family.

The Murder Of Gaea

The fast paced life in the city doesn’t notice the slow actual degradation of our environment. Technology has taken its toll on us. Of course we prefer comfort, who doesn’t? We shed trees for new houses that shelters families that builds their homes, no harm in that I say. But with more people coming to this world than people getting out, I say the trees are not enough to supplicate the needs. There are several solutions and innovations, all of them applicable and possible, the question is will we humans oblige? Will we stop our busy lifestyles and give back to mother nature? A few did (support groups, environmentalists…) but what they lack in numbers they make up in service and in deed. The plentiful few, I call them, those advocates who knock on your door, ask you to spare a minute just to listen to what you think is bullshit.

We are children of this world. We breathe the same air and lived the same earth. As our mother she fed us, watered, sheltered, and provided us with life while we the prodigal sons and daughters of this nurturing entity recuperate everything but  kindness. With her love we grew and with our new found life she dies. The vision of her coming to death pains me inside. If only flowers could weep and trees could bleed, it would at least reflect the madness that the prodigals imposed on them. Our crimes against nature will never go unnoticed. There will be  ramifications. There will be…There will be…We are all marked men of society. Nature has spoken and we are convicted. Let us reap the fruits of our actions. We are the proponents of our own destruction.

Poem: Numbness

   Numbness is a gift to treasure. 

   Free from pain

   Away from fear. 

   A gateway to heaven

   Escape route from hell

   For in numbness I embrace oblivion, 

   the promise of nothingness.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Atonement, 2007

Poem: I Fear...

   I fear fire because it reminds me of hell

   I fear blood for it takes the colors out of me

   I fear the future for it is not within my reach

   I fear nightmares because they can eat me in my sleep

   I fear children for in their beauty they are deadly

   But my biggest fear of all is to be stuck in a life that I 

   cannot walk away from at any possible moment.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

Lie To Me

Can you tell if the person next to you is telling the truth? Some would say no, some would say yes. Living in this world for 20 years, somehow I learned to notice the sincerity of people’s emotions. I cannot read minds. I cannot tell the feelings of someone especially if that person is really good in concealing it. But what I have, what we have are human primitive instincts. LIE TO ME is a tv series featuring Dr. Cal Lightman (Tim Roth), the world’s leading deception expert, and his team who helps in assisting investigations by interpreting microexpressions, and body language. The fun part is it is based on the real life teachings of Paul Ekman, a pioneer in the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions.

See Dr. Lightman use his knowledge of micro-expressions to determine when someone is skirting the truth: 

Poem: Deceitful Victory

   The war is not a pretty sight
   Death came in and stole the light
   Even though a winner is hailed
   Still all are hurt, scathed, and pained.

   The more you look, 
   The more you’ll see,
   Men’s sorrow and cruelty
   They say time will set us free,
   But don’t be fools and listen to me
   This will stay for all eternity.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Schindler's List, 1993

Poem: My Uncharted Life

   Behold my uncharted life
   Having walked this earth
   Bearing the eyes of the negative
   I faced the trials and tribulations of mankind
   Rejection and despection
   Cries and demise
   Hatred and madness
   Devastation and desolation
   Tyranny and cruelty of men
   They are true
   I lived them too
   Though my sinful heart begged me not to But much to my
   shameful ignorance
   of this event they call life There was more to it than what I
   have seen.
   I witnessed joy and happiness
   Acceptance and admiration Smiles and blissful cries
   Forgiveness, Selflessness,
   Sincerity, Friendship,
   And love, Sweet young love. You were the light at the end of
   the tunnel
   that I was so eager of catching all this time.
   Now that I had a taste of your light,
   turning back would never be an option any more.
   For you are now a part of me today,
   and for all eternity.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

The Parallels Of Lord Voldemort And Hitler

Adolf Hitler and Lord Voldemort, born worlds apart, the one is history while the other literary, a mundane being and one with magic, the other kills with guns while the other uses wands. With their distinct beginnings, life, and way of livings, they juxtaposed with their way of thinking.

In childhood and beginnings:

Hitler and Voldemort have uncommon beginnings. Voldemort was deserted by his father leaving him to his mother. Adolf had a strict and brutal father who was very disapproving of him. Tom’s mother was empathetic and loving towards his son and so was young Adolf’s mother who was always supportive and loving.  What unifies them most in childhood is that they were terribly unhappy, and both felt hatred toward their fathers. 

Who pulled the trigger?

As adolescence came to dwell they slowly found themselves in their road to ambition. Adolescent Tom was excellent in all his academic subjects while at Hogwarts. After learning that his muggle (non-magical) father left her mother (witch) to death and misery, his hatred for muggles grew and blossomed as he finished school.

Adolf in the other hand pursued Arts in Vienna after his father died. Unfortunately the artworks that he presented were rejected by the professor. In addition of having a difficult time accepting his rejection, his mother died of cancer. In time he had known that the professor that rejected his artwork was a Jew and so did the doctor that was responsible for his mother’s death, that became the solid ground of his hatred for the Jews. During these stages in both of their lives, they developed a hatred of no other kind that caused the death and misery of many.

Poem: The Art Of Numbness

   With cross-country wars and economic turmoil, 

   corruption and slavery, 

   and even racism is just around the corner. 

   I also have a battle going on in my daily life. 

   An inner war I’ve been struggling on for a while. 

   There has to be a decision. 

   A will I must cling to. 

   The choices scream themselves to be chosen. 

   So to take the path that only few have trodden, 

   I chose to numb myself.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: The Pianist, 2002

The Writer's Disease

Envy “the writer’s disease” (p. 5). She wrote, “It’s desire that causes envy. Isn’t desire the villain here? Yet how to be an artist without desire.” - Bonita Friedman 

Bookstores are my sanctuaries. The scenery of books in shelves calms my very being, and the more closer I get the more in awe I become. I don’t usually pass by the bibliography section but this one time while waiting for someone, I decided to check it out. To my amazement I have never thought I’d be this close face to face with these great writers. I read excerpts of their bibliography from Milton Friedman, Ayn Rand, Oscar Wilde, and William Blake. I couldn’t help to feel this unquenchable thirst, this strong desire of envy towards them. And as I read further more I find myself drowning in this sickness that I myself have concocted all along.

Envy is not different amongst us men. We are envious of what we see everyday. Envy of what we don’t have and what we are not. As an artist and a writer, as invidiousness seeps in my veins slowly in minimal doses, it distracts me from my work as it detaches me from my prime goal. The way it crawls and creeps in us is similar to greed which is the sickening feeling of consuming one self. The more envious you become the more it eats you alive. Sometimes it turns you against your works and sooner or later against yourself.

I admire the works of William Blake, John Milton, Milton Friedman, Stephen Fry, and Ayn Rand. I admire them so much that I wish I could write like them. My desire is what causes envy yet I know that desire is the fuel of every artists and writers to their craft. To prevent envy, I must stop desiring. How can I write without desire? Envy as seen in a different perspective could also benefit a writer or an artist, if used wisely it can motivate you to improve your craft. It’s one of the ironies of life, sometimes we could use a little bad to produce something good.

Update: Featured in Definitely Filipino

Poem: The Conqueror

   Today I will claim the wind

   Swim the savage seas

   Mount the brazen earth

   Paint the unyielding skies

   And tomorrow I shall rule the world

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

Away I Went To The Country Side

The death of one, the joy of many. His pain, their gain.
This sum up the circle of life.

I took the one less traveled by, And that has made 

all the difference.  - Robert Frost

These are eggs of an unknown creature. Imagine my horror
when I found out about it. Now I can literally un-see
it as if its permanently embarked in my memory.

What an unusual flower I wonder what it is called. How
enchanting, its petals resemble that of fairy wings.
Somehow I miss Disney movies already. 

When the windy breeze blow they dance like a
many-legged octopus. Looks like a lost
sea urchin or maybe it’s its land-based cousin. 

I’ve been walking home for a very long time, the roads have converged and pointed me to this one. But I’ve been walking this road for quite a while and the finish line seems to be far from near. I have a queer feeling that I’ve been living life just the way it is, wondering what’s waiting beyond this road I’m trodding. I’m wondering what does the end look like. A huge sense of doubt pervades me of what’s in there yet instead of stopping I still kept on going on. I believe we are all brave souls. Until now we are still walking even though the destination is unknowngst to us. There are those few unfortunate ones who threw themselves before reaching the deadline. What’s on the other side is another context, what’s important is how we weave our present paths.

Ifugao, May 2011

Poem: Ah! Seasons Come And Go

   My summer breeze so fresh but in haste,

                  had me coming quickly to appease my ablaze.

   The spring so merry, calm, and cozy,

             flowers’ rebirth their crowning glory.

   The autumn spirit drags leaves to the ground,

                 the mark of darkness coming along a shroud.

   Winter’s here who cold even bear?

               Sober with no one to share these shivers.

   All praying for another season to appear.

   Ah so seasons come and go,

   children play and grow,

   and the thought of seeing you

   would be relieving ancient feelings.

   So ancient that they were meant to be buried

   and never to resurface again.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

The Blame Game

When we don’t feel happy with how we look we blame our parents. When we lose our job we blame our boss. When our loved ones leave us we blame them. Even if  something is wrong with us we blame society. We were taught to blame our parents, friends, the environment, the situation, and even God. But we never place the blame upon ourselves. It was never our fault, though it always is.

People in all walks of life place the responsibility of their negative actions towards others so that they could overemphasize themselves. It could be in a way that a person would like to be perceived as theunderdog (so that he could gain pity) or the superior one (who would appear righteous). 

These persons who participate in the infamous blame game shows the prominence of themselves at the same time minimizing or lessening the effects of their negative deeds. Regardless of most reasons like revenge, selfishness, and even plain old laziness, no matter how many imperfections you found out about someone it will not change who you are. Pointing fingers may have worked to your advantage for now, but do realize this what you did was a temporary escape route of finding reasons to explain your frustrations in life that caused you to result in such action. When you thought you won this game, you thought wrong. This is a game that no one could win. You may have passed the burden and ease your shoulders by passing the buck, but one thing is certain and that is being still unable to change the hidden reason behind your unhappiness.

If sometime in the future we are dragged in this blame game, let us have the crown of responsibility placed in our heads with the ability to walk with dignity and not run away from it. We do not blame the neighborhood, the system, the society and certainly not God. We should take the responsibility of our own actions and in that way we are in control of our own destiny and our own life. 

On the cover: Y U NO? internet meme generated using memegenerator

Dead Tree Fettish

I have a penchant for anything odd and out of place. Through my lenses this dead tree resonates beauty despite its flaws and rugged imperfections. We have a different perception of what is good and bad. Looking at this reminds me of a Wuthering Heights kind of setting and makes me feel sad for Catherine and Heathcliff more.

Ifugao, May 2011

Poem: You

   You make me question my decisions

   You make me unravel the past

   You make me feel regret

   You make me doubt my love

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Pride and Prejudice

Poem: Amidst It All

   Standing here firm and strong 

   I stood tall throughout the storm 

   I was your shoulder when you battled pain 

   When she left you stranded in the rain.   

   Don’t be sober please stay strong

   I will catch you if ever you fall  

   But I hope my dear that you could see 

   That all this time we were meant to be.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Mr. Nobody

Poem: Apathetic lover

   We grew up loving each other

   Never a day apart

   Happiness altogether

   Sadness has no place in our hearts.

   Then you saw someone new

   And I learned to hate you too.

   What happened to the love that drove us together?

   Was it the anchor that tore us apart?

   Was there too much love?

   Too much that we grew tired of it.

   I never prepared for this to happen

   Because it never crossed my ever brilliant mind

   You have always and always been there

   And the thought of your absence pains me

   What more on the day of losing you.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Wuthering Heights 1992

Poem: The Treasure

   In this life full of uncertainty 

   Treat every waking moment as gift 

   Be it a blessing to treasure

   Make use of your life

   Live as if tomorrow you’ll meet death’s embracing arms 

   And learn the value of living 

   As if you were bound to live forever.

   2011©Agapin Edrayll

    Image: Heavenly Creatures, 1994

The Toll Of Stress

How would you know if you have too much in your plate? Maybe for most of us, we tend to do things more than what we can actually do. The reasons for that may vary. It could be purely professional, with your boss pumping you with lots of workload to do. Another reason could be impressing your colleagues that you can handle almost everything or maybe you simply need the money. Regardless of these reasons we still keep on saying “Wait, I’ll do that later”. Even if later came and passed we still didn’t do it. If you think you are one of them, then probably you are biting off more than you can chew. Here are more signs that you are turning into one major biter:

• Why do I have a hard time remembering things?
  In this day and age, stress is now a frequent visitor to all of us. It’s inevitable that you might forget a thing or two. The best solution is to take down notes on a post-it or journal. You can also put an alarm setting on your phone to remind you of important meetings.
   
• Why can’t I eat properly? I’m hungry but I think I lost my appetite
  You start to skip meals because you are busy. By the time you are ready to eat you already lost your appetite.  Be sure to eat at the proper time everyday. If in a busy situation, you can sneak a bite of crackers or biscuits.

• Why do I just wake up for no reason at all?
  Sleep disorders are common to everyone but because you have many things in your plate more than the usual you keep thinking of what to do. Give your mind & body the rest that they deserve. The proper compensation for a hard day’s work.